Domestic violence is not exclusive to any particular country or culture, it is found everywhere. In case of American women married to foreign men and living abroad, it is more widespread in some countries and cultures than in others, at times markedly so. Aside from those cases where the American woman is simply married to a rotten individual who mistreats her, there are countries and cultures where it seems mistreatment of wives is more prevalent and in some cases, accepted. The American embassies and consulates around the world are probably faced with domestic problem cases more than anything else when it comes to expat Americans.
The most common complaint appears to be that the husband "changed" once they arrived in his home country and is now abusing the wife. The majority of these marriages take place back in America, and usually when both parties are attending school. As the saying goes, "love is blind," and the American women never suspect that their wonderful, exotic, boy friend/husband could pull a complete personality change once they leave America and arrive in his country. This appears to occur most commonly with men from Islamic countries, but not exclusive to them. Many from western European countries seem to undergo these changes as well. But by and large, the biggest change seems to occur with men of Muslim faith who upon arrival in their country revert to their so-called "traditional" ways, where women are treated as chattel, nothing more than a piece of property that he can do with what he pleases. Of course not all Muslim husbands are like that, but unfortunately, a large number do change and make life miserable for their American wives.
Part of the problem appears to be societal pressure. Once the man arrives in his home country, he is expected to behave and carry on like all traditional men in that society. The family also plays a key role. If the family happens to be of humble background, uneducated, it makes it that much more difficult for the American wife to be accepted. You can't blame the family members. If they are unsophisticated, unfamiliar with western ways and are traditional Muslims, chances are they are not going to accept the new daughter-in-law with open arms. She will have to accept their way, dress in Muslim fashion, cover her head at all times and be subservient to men. To an average middle class
American woman, this is a shocking revelation. She may have been aware that such societies exist but never dreamed that she would have to live in it, abide by its laws! To compound the situation, if the husband decides to truly revert to traditional Muslim ways, he may even decide to take on more wives, after all, by law he is allowed three! Physical violence, wife beating, is almost a standard practice!
The American woman is caught in a trap. She comes to the U. S. embassy or the consulate seeking help, but there is very little that the mission can do. If she wishes to return to the U.S., then perhaps she can be repatriated. But, she must secure her husband's written permission to leave the country, otherwise she won't be allowed to leave! The children, if there are any, are all automatically citizens of that country and "property" of the husband. They too cannot leave the country without specific written permission from the husband. This is the standard practice of all Muslim nations. Perhaps there are some that are more progressive and are not quite so set in Islamic laws, but for the most part, that is the standard practice of Muslim countries.
There have been numerous cases where the embassy or the consulate helped to "smuggle" out the American woman and sometimes her children as well. This is a pretty risky deal, and if caught, will cause problems with host country. But still, the U.S. missions abroad will take the chance and try and help the American citizen. Sadly, sometimes the woman will have to leave her children behind, and sometimes she manages to bring them along. In any case, it is never easy to get them out.
What is astounding and truly frustrating to the Consular Officers who handle these cases is that quite often, the abused American woman who seeks help and is smuggled out of the country at great risk, returns after a while! There was a case in Cairo in mid 1990s where an abused American woman was repatriated to the U.S. five times at tax payers expense, only to return each time! Her Egyptian husband gave her permission to leave so at least she didn't have to be smuggled out! After the fifth time the embassy refused to repatriate her again, at which point she wrote a nasty letter to her congressman complaining about shabby treatment and lack of help from the embassy!
It seems that American women married to foreign men and living in their country risk facing problems much more so than if they were living in America. This is particularly true if the husband happens to be from an Islamic country. Nowhere else are problems so widespread as in Islamic countries where laws favor the husband so heavily, in fact, laws that give no rights to the wife, especially if she happens to be a foreigner.
Of course, not all Muslim men undergo a dramatic transformation once they return home. Some continue to treat their American wives as they did when they were in America. Unfortunately, a large percentage does change and make life a nightmare for their foreign wives. I am not making an indictment on Islam, for I have seen happily married American women with husbands from Islamic countries. But, it has also been my experience during my time in the Foreign Service, that the most problems encountered with American women married to foreigners, were from those married to men of Islamic countries.
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